You've dropped the last couple ice cubes into your glass and now it's time to refill the tray and stick it back in the freezer. No problem, right? Well, no problem as long as you're not me. You see, I have a problem with this process. I'm not sure why or how, but every time I try to put an ice cube tray filled with something besides ice, like water, back into the freezer I end up watering my hardwood floors like I'm growing a garden under the fridge. Sometimes I even manage to spill ice cubes all over. Go figure.
There are other everyday, household issues that most people seem to be able to handle that I just can't manage. Dishes, for example, more closely resemble a three year old bathing than an adult cleaning silverware. By the end of a load of dishes the ceiling, walls, spigot, and my hair are all covered in soap suds and a sinking feeling that this is not the way things should be. Laundry is an animal all its own. I haven't had to separate whites and colors in years because I don't own any clothes from this century (ok, there are a couple t-shirts that I picked up in 2004). Then there's making the bed...actually, I can make the bed as well as the average person considering I have a single blanket and it's folded up and stuffed in the closet when temperatures are above 110° (which is everyday after May 13th). Setting up the home wireless network? Piece of cake.
Showing posts with label random. Show all posts
Showing posts with label random. Show all posts
Friday, July 10, 2009
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Stream of consciousness
Ok, this is a blog, which means every now and then I get to write silly posts about nothing. Enjoy the bloginess.
On politics: As President Bush's second term draws to a close I'd like to say this. President Bush, I'm sorry people hate you. People that don't know you shouldn't hate. I honestly believe you did what you felt was in the best interest of the nation, and that you are not a bad or malicious person. Unfortunately you were wrong in several instances. It brings to mind the proverb - The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Oh, and congratulations to President-Elect Obama. I'm way excited.
On panhandling: In a word - ambivalent. Talk about a tough situation. To be completely dependent on the generosity of others at a time when thousands are losing their jobs and homes. I wouldn't wish that on anyway. BUT, at the same time, I would like to be able to walk 500 feet without hearing "Chhhaaaange?" Oh, and dude playing the guitar on the corner, I appreciate you're at least trying to earn some money, but you're ruining The Shins I've got playing on my iPod and playing louder only exposes the fact that you really can't play guitar to begin with. Talk about sounding like an asshole huh? Here's me with an iPod listening to some esoteric indie band that few people are familiar with complaining about a guy without so much as a cardboard box. That's gonna earn me some bad karma.
On personal responsibility: People like to have someone or something to blame for their problems, as long as it's not themselves. This could easily be me projecting, but I've found myself fall into this trap plenty. Work, relationships, future, etc. my fault it wasn't. It's hard to look in the mirror and admit that everything I have, I have because of me. And everything I don't have, I don't have because of me. The difficult part, in my opinion, is maintaining focus on those things one has rather than what one doesn't. Personal responsibility is a bitch.
On the inclusion of glitter on wrapping paper: Pretty sweet if the goal is to infuriate the gift recipient.
On hair: I'm starting to like the goofy hippie look. I think I might keep it.
On the Chicago Bears: I love them. The End.
On politics: As President Bush's second term draws to a close I'd like to say this. President Bush, I'm sorry people hate you. People that don't know you shouldn't hate. I honestly believe you did what you felt was in the best interest of the nation, and that you are not a bad or malicious person. Unfortunately you were wrong in several instances. It brings to mind the proverb - The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Oh, and congratulations to President-Elect Obama. I'm way excited.
On panhandling: In a word - ambivalent. Talk about a tough situation. To be completely dependent on the generosity of others at a time when thousands are losing their jobs and homes. I wouldn't wish that on anyway. BUT, at the same time, I would like to be able to walk 500 feet without hearing "Chhhaaaange?" Oh, and dude playing the guitar on the corner, I appreciate you're at least trying to earn some money, but you're ruining The Shins I've got playing on my iPod and playing louder only exposes the fact that you really can't play guitar to begin with. Talk about sounding like an asshole huh? Here's me with an iPod listening to some esoteric indie band that few people are familiar with complaining about a guy without so much as a cardboard box. That's gonna earn me some bad karma.
On personal responsibility: People like to have someone or something to blame for their problems, as long as it's not themselves. This could easily be me projecting, but I've found myself fall into this trap plenty. Work, relationships, future, etc. my fault it wasn't. It's hard to look in the mirror and admit that everything I have, I have because of me. And everything I don't have, I don't have because of me. The difficult part, in my opinion, is maintaining focus on those things one has rather than what one doesn't. Personal responsibility is a bitch.
On the inclusion of glitter on wrapping paper: Pretty sweet if the goal is to infuriate the gift recipient.
On hair: I'm starting to like the goofy hippie look. I think I might keep it.
On the Chicago Bears: I love them. The End.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Like father, like son
The older I get the more and more I'm convinced I'm destined to become my parents. Both of them. Thanks to the combination of genetics and a malleable young mind I have the laissez-faire attitude of Pops and have a love for (and of) annoying family members like Ma. I even found myself loudly commenting, with no one around, on the situation playing out on my tv screen (classic Dad behavior). And just last week I found myself advising my sister to do her homework as opposed to going out (vintage Mom). Don't get me wrong, I love my parents. They made me who I am. Without question. But that knowledge makes me wonder who I'll become. Will the next generation see me as socially conservative as I see my parents? What is the natural progression of social values anyway? Is there one? Anyway, I'm becoming more of a cantankerous old man every day...like Mom.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
and then I found five bucks!
The recurring theme this week seems to be randomness (think people showing up at your cube saying such things as, "How's it going, Doug?" or all my clocks needing to be reset) and as such, we pen this homage to some of the more persistent random uprisings like:
What ever happened to bird flu? or SARS? Weren't they supposed to be the end of the world? Or was that Mad Cow, weird birthmarks, or diabetes? Maybe it was some other communicable disease, who knows.
I'm fairly certain at this point that my bike has some crazy-magical powers. It's most impressive being it is both a conversation starter and killer, generally it goes something like this.
"Man, traffic was a bear coming in and parking was a cougar. Where do you park?"
"Oh, I ride my bike."
"That's cool, so you leave your car at home?"
"No, I don't own a car."
"Oh, that's neat, well, I'm going to go over here and discuss with colleagues modes of transportation that involve engines and, likely, more than two wheels. Hasta"
Other powers the bike has are barely worth mentioning like its ability to travel almost 4 miles in 5 minutes (what time is it anyway?) or the invisibility I'm granted as soon as the cheeks envelope the seat (how else can I explain NO ONE SEEING ME). You hear it all the time 'he came out of nowhere, honest' Well, he came out of nowhere because he was riding a bike that made him formica'n invisible!
Twice in the past week I've shampoo'd my hair without getting it wet first. The most embarassing/funny/odd part is that it took the better part of three minutes to figure out what was going on the second time I did it. It was early. Leave me alone.
I woke myself up the other day because I rolled over to hit the throttle on a space ship that could do light speed and would put me forty-seven years into the future in nineteen seconds. The day went downhill from there.
I woke up once sometime last week, went through the morning routine - breakfast, teeth, vitamin, made lunch, drank water, started riding my bike to work and realized I wasn't that cold then woke up...about forty minutes late...and I was cold. The day went downhill from there.
I woke up Monday. The day went downhill from there.
Anyone reading this should be stoked for fantasy baseball and should want to play with me only to be part of the coolest league name in the history of fantasy baseball leagues...that I have commissioned.
If your boss says something like 'hey, heard you applied for that job that opened up, that's great, if you need a reference let me know, I'd be glad to do it', is that a good thing, or a bad thing? Now that that application is sure to get torpedoed I guess it's time to send off the rest of the apps. That sucks, I kinda wanted that job too, oh well, c'est la vie.
Oh yeah, I'm trying to teach myself French. So far so, um, bon?
Sometimes I think QC and qwantz are spying on me. Not all the time, but there are moments where it's like, "Hey, I just thought that not fifteen seconds ago!"
My fantasy football team is better than yours. The End.
What ever happened to bird flu? or SARS? Weren't they supposed to be the end of the world? Or was that Mad Cow, weird birthmarks, or diabetes? Maybe it was some other communicable disease, who knows.
I'm fairly certain at this point that my bike has some crazy-magical powers. It's most impressive being it is both a conversation starter and killer, generally it goes something like this.
"Man, traffic was a bear coming in and parking was a cougar. Where do you park?"
"Oh, I ride my bike."
"That's cool, so you leave your car at home?"
"No, I don't own a car."
"Oh, that's neat, well, I'm going to go over here and discuss with colleagues modes of transportation that involve engines and, likely, more than two wheels. Hasta"
Other powers the bike has are barely worth mentioning like its ability to travel almost 4 miles in 5 minutes (what time is it anyway?) or the invisibility I'm granted as soon as the cheeks envelope the seat (how else can I explain NO ONE SEEING ME). You hear it all the time 'he came out of nowhere, honest' Well, he came out of nowhere because he was riding a bike that made him formica'n invisible!
Twice in the past week I've shampoo'd my hair without getting it wet first. The most embarassing/funny/odd part is that it took the better part of three minutes to figure out what was going on the second time I did it. It was early. Leave me alone.
I woke myself up the other day because I rolled over to hit the throttle on a space ship that could do light speed and would put me forty-seven years into the future in nineteen seconds. The day went downhill from there.
I woke up once sometime last week, went through the morning routine - breakfast, teeth, vitamin, made lunch, drank water, started riding my bike to work and realized I wasn't that cold then woke up...about forty minutes late...and I was cold. The day went downhill from there.
I woke up Monday. The day went downhill from there.
Anyone reading this should be stoked for fantasy baseball and should want to play with me only to be part of the coolest league name in the history of fantasy baseball leagues...that I have commissioned.
If your boss says something like 'hey, heard you applied for that job that opened up, that's great, if you need a reference let me know, I'd be glad to do it', is that a good thing, or a bad thing? Now that that application is sure to get torpedoed I guess it's time to send off the rest of the apps. That sucks, I kinda wanted that job too, oh well, c'est la vie.
Oh yeah, I'm trying to teach myself French. So far so, um, bon?
Sometimes I think QC and qwantz are spying on me. Not all the time, but there are moments where it's like, "Hey, I just thought that not fifteen seconds ago!"
My fantasy football team is better than yours. The End.
Friday, October 31, 2008
It's a string-a-long!
Like a sing-a-long except it's a solo by one person while everyone else just lets them think they're going to join, but never actually do. I'm starting to wonder if flakiness is genetic. It really seems like some people just don't want to say no or even I don't know. A yes from this group means no unless they're standing right in front of you and you're asking them to join you at that very moment, and even then they'll excuse themselves to go to the bathroom and you won't hear from them for five days. Holy hell, just say you have plans, or don't feel like going out, or dammit! wrastlin's on an' I a'int never miss that wrastlin'! Speaking of wrestling, Smackdown just started and all I could think of was, "Oh boy, grown men dressing up for Halloween and duking it out. Awesome!" Anyway, being strung along sucks. Whether it's work dangling that carrot or a date that never materializes or an ex or your favorite website that never updates or a friend that never seems to be available for a beer, they must all share the flaky gene. Which is weird cuz they all have such great skin...
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